Why Children Learn to Lie Part 2…?
When a child particularly becomes a teenager, lying is seen as a way of becoming more popular, allowing the adolescent to fit in with his or her peers. On frequent occasions they may claim to have met a certain sports figure, singer or star to create an image of ‘coolness’. All to often they will have exaggerated their stories-like their social status.
Sometimes you can turn a blind eye to lies, however if the child is lying on a more than regular basis then there may come a point where the adult/parent needs to take responsibility and take them to a therapist, but I do believe that still some parents can solve the problem themselves. As a parent you can sit down with your child/adolescent and talk to them asking them ‘what lies at the root of all their lying? do you have a problem? Are you being ignored by others? are you being bullied or the butt of jokes?’
As the developing adolescent becomes older they realise that they can control the flow of information to the public through telling lies. To their parents, they can just not say something and not get in to trouble. At this stage, the teenager thinks what the parents don’t know won’t hurt them, right? however, if the lying hurts or insults a friend or sibling, well this is a different case. This is often the case of a chronic liar and if you go to and do some research on the internet you will discover that some experts refer to extreme lying as a ‘disease’ also described as a pathological lying. These types of people are so good at lying that they fool themselves and even their identities all too often seem to be made up because chronic liars have allowed the habit of lying to become part of themselves, a lifestyle which is hard to treat.
Consequently, this is why I would encourage all parents to work on their child’s personal development as early as possible. No matter how much parents love their child, lying, stealing and cheating are all part of growing up and so at some point as a parent you will encounter these ‘problems’. However, if as adults we show them the difference between right and wrong and by accomplishing a mature understanding of what must be done and what shouldn’t, then the parent will succeed.
It is paramount for the parent to promote and encourage the child whenever they tell the truth, so to make this easy the parent can act as a role model ensuring that the child can see truth telling in action. Furthermore, don’t punish your children to harshly as many times a child will lie to avoid being punished, especially if they are scared.
In my opinion the best way forward to avoid lying becoming an issue is to form a good relationship with your child, set an example and discuss fairly the consequences of any unwanted or inappropriate behaviour such as telling lies.
David Power
Medical Hypnosis and Practical Parenting Expert
Comments
By Keri Eagan on October 10th, 2009 at 3:20 AM
I’m still thinking about your previous post on children being the best liars. Not a great character trait for most people, but then in another context (ummmm….criminal defense, undercover cop….) handy.
Lies by ommission are still lies.
Keri Eagan
Anything Alternative
By Kate McKeon on October 10th, 2009 at 4:18 AM
I have some distant family members who seem to have pathological lying habits . . . it make sit so hard to believe anything either says….
I can’t imagine my child taking on those traits. I’d blow a gasket at the first sign of lying.
Kate
By Steve Chambers on October 10th, 2009 at 6:14 AM
Lying is part of being human, since we always want to position ourselves to our own advantage. As parents we of course always want to discourage lying, because there is more to life then simply looking out for #1. Setting a good example, positively reinforcing children when they tell the truth and punishing lying are three good steps to take.
Steve Chambers, Sale Trainer Speaker
By Jose Escalante on October 10th, 2009 at 6:31 AM
Teaching kids to be honest early on is extremely important. Since we develop habits that stick, it’s important to take that one away. I know some people that lie a lot. I don’t waste my time with them. It’s hi and bye
Jose Escalante
http://www.joseescalante.com
By Rob Northrup on October 10th, 2009 at 4:29 PM
Lying is often done to make the truth more palatable. And the longer we tell the lie, the more we start to believe it really happened.
Yeah that’s the ticket…
Simple Survival Tips For Disasters and Emergencies
By Las Vegas Baby Boomer Dating Expert on October 10th, 2009 at 7:21 PM
Hi David,
oh my goodness, yes. Teens learn to boast and preen, lying to gain acclaim from peers. The movie, “13″ here in The States from a coupla years ago is an excellent reminder of that. If they don’t learn to be themselves, their best selves of course, their lying will come back to bite them in the years ahead in all sorts of relationships – intimate and professional.
Best regards,
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Single Baby Boomer Dating Success Expert
By Lynn Lane on October 10th, 2009 at 7:58 PM
David,
Great information and very good advice for parents to apply.
A child’s personal development takes much work.
Lynn Lane
The Warrior Of Success
By Lisa on October 10th, 2009 at 11:19 PM
I don’t know any people who are pathological liars, but I have experienced very manipulative people. I understand the concept of someone so used to distorting the truth to other people that they lie to themselves and believe it. In these cases, it just makes me feel sorry for the person to be so disconnected from others and themselves.
MissMentor
By Martin on October 11th, 2009 at 12:31 AM
We EVENTUALLY convinced our 9-year-old that if he admits something to us before we find out (AND WE WILL FIND OUT!) then, WHATEVER it is, the consequences will be much less severe than if he doesn’t tell us. This took a concerted effort, a little bit of shouting, and a few tears, but we finally got there!
http://www.martin-wright.com
By Katie on October 11th, 2009 at 2:00 AM
Children and lying, isn’t that all about testing boundaries?
katie
By Lisa McLellan on October 11th, 2009 at 2:17 AM
It is sad when children lie so much that it becomes second nature. I think that eventually they can’t help it. I don’t see it much, I mean chronic lying. Little white lies I see all the time in the children I babysit for but nothing out of the ordinary. My husband has a friend that exaggerates in a huge way. He said he was standing next to John McCain the other day and McCain was looking at a wall of Obama books in the book store. Hmmmmmm not sure I believe him.
Lisa McLellan
Child Care Expert,
Babysitting Services, Babysitting Tips, Babysitters, Nannies
By Pam Schulz on October 11th, 2009 at 4:39 AM
Teaching kids to be honest – more specifically – why they need to be honest can be a challenge at times. I think you set the tone early in their lives. When they’re little, it’s easy to catch them telling a “tall tale.” It’s usually written all over their face. Setting your expectations early on that lying is not acceptable in our family, I think is very important and lays a pretty strong foundation. Of course they WILL test the boundaries as they get older, but in their heart they know that what they’re doing is – in the long run – not in their best interest.
Pam
Expert Houston Retirement Planning & Wealth Management Services
By Martin O'Connor on October 11th, 2009 at 9:39 PM
Is this really such a big deal?
I won’t lie to you, I don’t have much to say about this topic.
Martin O’Connor
http://smallbusinessdesigncenter.com
By Vicki on October 12th, 2009 at 12:44 AM
Lying has been punished by authority whether it is parents, teachers, law inforcement…that kids naturally want to stay out of trouble – hence lying and hopfully not get caught.
Vicki http://www.bridalthreadshq.com
By Scott Payne on October 12th, 2009 at 1:43 PM
They have to understand the ramifcations of it…
Scott Payne
http://www.scottpayne.me
By Anna on October 12th, 2009 at 2:40 PM
Kids start lying because they see adults around them doing it and getting away with time after time.
By Robert Martin on October 12th, 2009 at 2:53 PM
Went through this with my son when he was younger. A trait that needs to be fixed early in childhood.
Robert Martin
http://www.carbuyinghq.com
By Mister P on October 12th, 2009 at 6:58 PM
Very important to teach kids the consequences of lying. In the short term it may seem worth it to lie but it never is long term.
Bert (alter ego- Mister P)
MisterP.org/blog
By Martin O'Connor on October 13th, 2009 at 12:06 AM
Power to the little ones.
Martin O’Connor
http://smallbusinessdesigncenter.com
By Scott Payne on October 13th, 2009 at 3:15 AM
Great Information!!… Love the blog , can’t wait to learn more. Thanks
Scott
http://www.scottpayne.me
By John Ho on October 13th, 2009 at 2:52 PM
Recently I heard about a sad (or might be funny if you are NOT the child’s parents) story of a grade 7 young man had to befriend with grade 6 kids as he is a chronic liar whom everyone in his one grade ostracize him.
John Ho
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personality for Better Influence & Persuasion
By Jennifer Battaglino on October 13th, 2009 at 7:38 PM
David,
Great information. It’s funny but we tend to overstate that The Battaglino Family does not lie and you will get into more trouble for lying than for whatever it is you did… Doesn’t work all the time but the pause before they answer me helps to determine if a lie is on the way or not.
There was an article in the NY Times a long time ago that said that the earlier your child lies, the smarter they are. There is definitely truth in that.
Jennifer
The Harwood Center – Tinnitus, Chronic Illness, Fears, and Anxiety
By David Power on October 14th, 2009 at 11:37 AM
Thanks for all the great comments everyone!!! Keep them coming!!!
By Scott Payne on October 14th, 2009 at 11:44 PM
As my Grand Mom used to say Fibber Magee and Molly…
Scott Payne
http://www.scottpayne.me
By Lisa McLellan on October 15th, 2009 at 1:32 PM
Is there a part 3 about children lying? If not, we’re ready for the next article on a new subject David Dear!
Lisa McLellan, Child Care Expert
Babysitting Services, Babysitting Tips, Babysitters, Nannies
By Darryl Pace on October 16th, 2009 at 3:43 AM
GREAT advice!
Health, Fitness for Working People — Darryl Pace